Finding Panem
by LittleOwlet
Summary: For nine years I was the Capitol's darling. For nine years I was lied to about my past. My whole life as a citizen of the Capitol was fabricated around a spiderweb of lies. I am not who I thought I was.
1. Prologue

**Finding Panem**

**Prologue**

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><p>Ellie's eyes fluttered open. She stirred and turned over in her bed to greet her friend, the Moon. She was greeted by her ever present companion of the night, the light in the dark. She smiled faintly, still in her sleepy state. A gentle breeze wafted through her open windows and prickled her skin, making goosebumps appear. She shivered and slid out of bed to close the windows. She yawned and paced groggily over to the window.<p>

She was dressed in a long, white nightgown made of the finest silk - a gift from her grandfather.

The young girl rubbed her eyes and yawned once more, sleep threatening to conquer her sooner than planned. She stumbled a little as she wandered over to the window, her feet wanting to give way to sleep. She reached the window and was about to close them when she heard a sound.

Marching.

Frowning, she turned her attention towards the sound and gasped in terror. She froze, hands flying to her mouth.

An army of strangers were storming into the Capitol and looked like they would not be stopping anytime soon. Soldiers that paced perfectly in time, each sounding footstep echoing through the night like the beat of a drum and piercing Ellie's heart like a hard, cold knife.

It was not the soldiers that kept Ellie staring, granted she was petrified and in shock. No, it was what they were singing, or more like chanting. A chanting so dauntingly familiar that it sent shivers down her spine as the girl's brain churned to life. Ellie's brain recognised the tune of the song, the tempo of the song, the beat, the rhythm, the harmonies, the flow. She did not only know this song, this song flowed through her blood.

It was _that_ song.

It was the very song that forever haunted her dreams, the one she could recite all the words to but in a language not of her own. A language that was second nature. One that felt _right._ Her native language did not. At a very young age she had sung that song in the eerie language while having tea with her grandfather. Her grandfather's initial reaction had been pride for his kin. Alas it had quickly developed into fury and one might even suggest panic. President Snow never panicked. The girl's grandfather had quickly gained control of the situation and commanded Ellie never to sing that song or language again. He labelled the language as child's play, despite how right it felt to the child.

They never spoke of the song again

Snow kept a closer eye on his granddaughter after that event.

The girl's knees buckled beneath her and she fell to the floor with a cry. Her brain was feeding her memories, triggered by the song cutting through the darkness. She whimpered a little, not wanting the memories to reach her, and placed her hands over her ears, blocking out the pleasant sounds of the still night. Snow had always told her if she felt memories resurfacing find him or, if she couldn't, forced them back down again. That was exactly what she was trying to do.

Her plan failed.

All her hopes of suppressing the memories were crushed.

The memories were growing now, like beautiful, little flowers that had been given sunlight for the first time in a long time. Ellie gasped as a female figure flashed across her vision, blonde. The woman was so thin and weak, like she hadn't eaten in a days. She smiled down at the child, a kind and loving expression written on her features. Her eyes were gleaming and glassy, like she was going to cry. She looked so proud.

There was a baby's cry.

The woman responded to the cry immediately, soothing the baby. The woman hummed the tune of army of darkness; which soon developed into full singing, soft singing. Si ti, a greš drevo kjer mrtvi človek poklicana za njegovo ljubezen zbežati." She lifted the baby from its crib. Ellie felt herself being lifted - as if her soul was trying to leave its cage.

If a passerby saw the Capitol's darling right now then they would see her sitting on her knees, staring up at the ceiling, tears falling down her cheeks. She looked like she was in a trance. Ellie recognised that language, it was the language she had been singing in when she was merely six years old. The one Snow had punished her for.

Ellie saw was the woman's features, young and beautiful.

She shared Ellie's nose and eyes. That smile, that gorgeous smile, lived in her memories like a restless dream. She was looking through the baby's eyes, as if she was the baby. "Čudne stvari se je zgodilo tuka neznanka bi bilo..." The mother continued, trailing off as the baby's crying lessened. če bi se srečali ob polnoči." She whispered gently as she carefully placed the baby back in its crib. "v viseče drevo..." She shushed the cry and placed a hand on the baby's cheek, Ellie's cheek.

Ellie felt like she had been slapped as the warm memory faded away.

Maybe the memory would have been better worded as an epiphany.

The child's cheek was tingling.

She placed her hand there in disbelief.

_Who was that woman? _She wondered as she recalled the face. Something else stirred. She _had_ seen that figure before. She had seen that figure plenty of times before, in fact. The woman in her memory had been an avox, one that always lingered around in her grandfather's mansion. The avox had always been very patient with Ellie. Unfortunately, she had died a few years ago. Her grandfather had been persistent that Ellie forgot about that meaningless avox. However, Ellie had not. Something had felt wrong about forgetting that avox, although Ellie could never place why.

Why was that woman in her memories?

Where had these memories come from?

The chanting drew louder, drawing her attention back to the passing mob. She pushed herself up with great difficulty, it felt like she was carrying a bag of bricks. Nevertheless, with much effort, she forced herself to her feet. She hurried over to the window, nearly tripping on the hard floor. She watched the mob for a while, studying it in detail. Ellie had always been a bright girl like that, noticing the small details of a bigger picture.

Subconsciously she began to sing the song in the forbidden language, the language from her epiphany. "Si, si." She whispered lowly, afraid she would be punished if someone caught her singing in the eerie familiar language. "Prihaja v drevo? So nanizani do človeka. Pravijo, da je pobil tri. Čudne stvari se je zgodilo. Neznanka bi bilo. Če bi se srečali ob polnoči." The army of people headed away into the distance, their beautiful songs going with them. Ellie bit her lip, wishing for the large group of people to come back. She so desperately wanted to join them. She placed her head on the window sill and drew invisible circles with her index finger absentmindedly.

"V viseče drevo."

She felt a few tears fall from her blue orbs and gazed up into the night sky once more, contemplating her fate and whether to alert anyone of the army that was making a beeline for the centre of the Capitol.

The young girl was torn, yet, like the memories, she couldn't place why. Deep down she had a growing feeling of uneasiness to her grandfather, like he had done something wrong and she was only just beginning to remember. But that didn't make sense. She loved, no, adored her grandfather. He was so kind and gentle to her.

She was lost deep in her thoughts as the door to her room flew open so violently that is nearly was wrenched from its hinges.

It seemed she didn't need to warn anybody afterall.

A few of her family's guards rushed in to fetch her.

"Miss Snow! You must come with us immediately." One of the guards boomed. She winced at the intensity of the voice and gave a weary nod, allowing the guards to lead her away from her bedroom. On the way out she grabbed Selene, the ragged doll - whom she had had for as long as she could remember.

When she was younger she had carried the doll everywhere with her, feeling oddly connected to it. The doll brought her a sense of serenity and comfort, making her nostalgic for a home covered in snow and impressive landscapes as far as one's eye could see. She had told her grandfather about the vast mountains and stacks of snow once. He had said she was being silly, like he always did when she mentioned one of her dreams to do with the outside world.

She glanced around the room, wondering when she would return home.

She wouldn't.

She couldn't.

I wouldn't.

I couldn't.

That would be the last time I ever saw my childhood room.

As I was being ushered out into the cold night and then into a carriage I would find my life was only just beginning.

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><p><em><strong>AN: I apologise to anyone who speaks the beautiful language in this chapter. I couldn't find a translation of the hanging tree so I had to use a translator! Again, apologises about that.<strong>_


	2. Chapter 1

**Finding Panem**

**Chapter I**

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><p>Twelve figures trekked through the snow, all of different size and shape, all from the different nations. Seven male, five female. They were heading out to find a new land. A new home.<p>

A three year old was stumbling along in the snow, trying to keep up with her mother. Two teenage girls smiled fondly at her as she waddled along, scrambling over the white mask. They shared a look with one another and laughed at the cute absurdity of the child before walking ahead of her and catching up to the others. The young girl tripped and fell in the snow. She started to cry. The mother's lips etched into a kind smile and she scooped the child up into her loving arms. The bitter cold was harsh against the toddler's skin. Even the thick animal skins she wore could not keep her from feeling the icy witch. She shivered violently in her mother's arms. She had been cold since they left home.

Home.

She looked over her mother's shoulder groggily, trying to find home through the endless abyss of snow. She could not. She had lost track of that familiar cave a few days ago.

She had lost her family with it.

Her mother and her were travelling to find new land.

The small group had passed by her cave and her mother, not being able to cope with being a widow, raising three children and taking care of the girl's grandmother, packed up her things and left, not intending on coming back. She wanted a new life. She wanted a new start. She had taken the toddler with her so that her baby could grow up with something new.

New, such an odd word. One would be better describing her actions as abandonment and running away. We shall call it that. Running away, that's exactly what the mother and the clueless toddler were doing.

The three year old saw the light fade from the sky as her eyelids grew heavy. The steady rhythm of walking and the comfort of her mother's arms made her eyelids finally slide shut. Her delicate hand clamped tightly around a small doll, which would become ragged years later. The doll would become the girl's comfort and only reminder of home. It's funny how something so tiny can hold such significant in one's life.

As her the doors to her eyes shut on the world, the eyes opened for another girl somewhere in the world. A girl lay on her bed watching the world. She had wavy, blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes. Freckles decorated her pale skin. She was a kind and loving girl, always giving and never taking.

So sweet, so precious...

Sun was peaking through the cave she lived in, casting specks of light on the stone wall. She admired the feel of warmth on her skin, still in that cozy dreamlike state before dreaded reality sunk in.

The girl's name was Alena, short for Magdalene - meaning tower. The girl was certainly tall like a tower and was admired by the nation for her beauty.

A soft smile graced her lips as she heard the voice of a young girl laughing. At first she thought it was her sister. Her sister always seemed so happy and took delight in everything. "Emilija?" The girl asked aloud when she heard gentle footsteps heading over to her. She sat up and her eyes met those of her brother's, Milo.

That's when she remembered.

That's when she plummeted down from the land of sleep and back to the land of the living.

Her mother was gone.

Her eyes widened and her face fell. The ache that had resided deep in her heart over the past two weeks returned rapidly. Tears welled up in her eyes that her mother and sister were gone and at the hopeful belief that her sister was home. She was kidding herself. They weren't coming home. Mother had abandoned her and her brother.

At that too familiar thought she broke down, just like she had every day since their mother had left. Milo dropped what he was carrying and ran over to his sister to comfort her, just like he had every day since their mother had left. While Alena wept, Milo comforted her. He cursed at his mother for being so selfish and leaving behind a family of broken hearts that could never be fixed.

The girl in the carriage watched the scenery of the night roll past. Occasionally a dimmed streetlight would light the way, illuminating the grand houses she passed. She had been travelling for about an hour now and in the opposite direction of the Capitol. She had not been told much, just that her grandfather wanted her to be safe and therefore was sending her away.

If she hadn't been so naive then the would of realised that the army of people were in the Capitol for one sole reason, over through President Snow.

Ellie thought that her grandfather was just being the kind and caring person she knew. President Snow did not pull down his walls very often. He had them down when Ellie was around. She loved him with her whole heart, and in return he gave her a chip of his.

She felt her eyes grow heavy. It had started to snow outside the carriage. She smiled idly, slowly feeling herself being pulled from the land of the living and to the land of sleep. She pulled her rag doll close. A dull aching clenched her heart tightly. She missed home. Why hadn't her parents come with her? The sergeant had said they were needed at home to help her grandfather. That was understandable, she had thought as she was speeding away from the Capitol, grown ups handled the tough things.

It was her duty to follow the orders put there.

She felt sleep consume her and the snow grow harder as she shut her eyes.

She was out within minutes, dreaming of some place better than this.


End file.
